Guest Post: Gutters by Chidi

This is my very first guest blog post and I am very excited to share Chidi's piece with you. Chidi and I go way back to sophomore year in college. She's one of the brightest ladies I know and I am happy to share her thoughts on gutters with you! It's a short but concise post! Enjoy it and get others to read! Regards, L.S. 

Yes I’m going to write about gutters. Especially gutters in Nigeria. Why? Because I know about gutters in Nigeria…and I hate them.

These days, there are lots of places to be and not enough money to buy a car, so I walk around a lot. Or use some other form of public transport that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. This brings me in very close proximity to these gaping holes of confusion and stench. There are no windows to be wound up, I cannot blissfully walk by – or drive by in those danfo bus – without being rudely awakened from my reverie.

And whose fault is it? YOU! Yes you reading this post.

In Lagos, in Nigeria actually, it’s the cool thing to blame the government. And most times the government deserves it. The gutter paths are not well planned, the gutters are left open, the government decides that the best time to dig (?) gutters is in the rainy season. These are all valid reasons to spit at the government, but lets take a look at your actions.

On a beautiful Saturday evening, you’re walking down the road – taking in the scenery – and suddenly you feel puckish. By all means stop a roadside hawker, by some gala and a coke, enjoy munching on your beef roll, let the cold coke soothe you. Now you’re done with your meal. What do you do with your empty wrapper and bottle? You obviously don’t want their unwanted weight burdening you on this stroll. The logical thing to do would be to throw it away right? By all means throw it nearest gutter. Just do it. When the heavy rains come and a gala wrapper and coke bottle float into your house? Blame the government for not unclogging the gutters – didn’t they know it was rainy season?

Let’s take another scenario. In fact, let’s continue from where we left off. Now you’ve walked a long distance, and because of your coke, you suddenly find that you need to pee. Instead of running to the nearest eatery, mall, or even office, face the nearest gutter, whip out your penis and release yourself. After all your urine doesn’t really stink and it’s not your fault – nature called.

Next time you pass by that gutter and its stench clings to your clothes, make sure you attack the government and wonder why it can’t just keep Lagos clean.

I really hate gutters. They ruin my mood. Perfectly good walks and picnics have been ruined because I have come across a stinky gutter.

So, this is an appeal. Right now I hate gutters. It’s your fault- and it’s the government’s fault. I rather just hate on only the government. Please.