First of all, this is not a feminist post and I say that
because one could easily dismiss whatever I’m going to say without actually
taking time to think about it if they considered it to be just another feminist
rant. It is not.
What this is though is the pouring out my frustrations with
the young people of my generation [dare I say society?] Yesterday I came across
a quite cleverly written status message on Facebook. It read: “At the age of 25, you cannot cook, sweep, wash clothes and you want men
to accept you for who you are...Sister please.. Who Are You???” I found it
interesting enough that I wanted to read what people had to say in the comment
section, and there was indeed, as I expected, an interesting debate
going on. I read through all the comments and wasn’t surprised by anything I
read. They were mostly things I had heard before. However one comment posted by
a guy caught my attention, it made me pause and think for a bit. The comment
read “Any man who can't do these things for himself doesn't deserve a wife who can.” I liked it and went about my business.
As I laid down to sleep at night, I remembered the status
message and the responses. It was at this point I got pissed. Why? I’ll tell
you. The idea of gender roles is something I’d always known about but have only
recently accepted and if I may add, still adjusting to. So of course I know
what is expected of me as woman, and thank heavens for the mother I’ve got, I
believe that I am set to run a household. I have no problem in that regards.
What I do have a problem with though is how women are the
ones who always get picked on for not
being able to fulfil what their gender demands of them. It becomes more of a
problem when the people doing the picking on are young men who are clueless
about who they are, still reliant on their parents and have no idea what is
expected of them as men, prospective husbands and fathers. These are the same
group of men who want their women to look a certain way, talk and act a certain
way. They are ones who demand the highest from these women, and because God is
no fool, these women are the ones who cannot meet those demands.
As a result, they become embittered and resentful then begin
to categorize women as being “all the same” but what they really mean by that
is that the type of women they desire are all the same, you know, without any housekeeping abilities. That’s just one part of the problem though.
The second part of my problem is that when a woman lists out
the things she expects from a man, she is usually told to shut up because she
is being unrealistic, or too demanding or a gold-digger, and by the way, she's told, there
is no such thing as a perfect man. Uhm, m’kay.
I refuse to accept that though. If I am able, as a woman, to
meet the expectations set aside for me by virtue of my gender to the letter, what excuses you, dear sir, from
meeting the requirement of your own damn roles? If I am to go by what I grew up seeing thanks to
the example my parents set for me, then I’d expect that any man who wants to marry me will be financially stable, have a house of his own (whether he’s renting it
or not), be able to cater to my needs and those of a child in the first few
years of our marriage, and as time goes on, more children. Which means that he’d
have to be ready to save a lot or find and work jobs that pay higher than the
one he’ll be working in our first years of marriage.
Now wait till I put those demands as my status message on Facebook
and see the kind of responses I’ll get. Why are our expectations put down
and perceived as asking too much? Why are women expected to “manage” men, why aren’t men ever expected to manage women, you know, the ones who
can’t meet up with the expectations?
Maybe it’s time for women to stop being “managers”, maybe we
should begin to demand for men to meet the requirements of their gender before
we settle down with them. Maybe then, there’d be less women who assume the role
of both father and mother in our households because there’d be actual men in the
houses. Maybe then we will have a chance to properly raise a generation of
children that can save our society that’s fast falling apart.
Maybe, but until we’re ready to have that discussion, miss me
with all your expectations.
